OTHER PEOPLE

OTHER PEOPLE

250701 15:59 When I was a child, from about nine to twelve, I had to go to a summer camp so my parents would get some privacy (my baby brother did not interere with them). The camp was based on a Boys Club, which was the base of my father´s childhood upbringing into being American, along with his friends for life, who continued (being successful bourgeois) to support both boys club and camp, with the kudos of helping those of my generationetc who needed help as being slum dwellers---so we scions of the old guard suffered along with the poor and generally wereconfused as to who we were. Some emulated world war two fighters, and some competed in mind and activity with their own fathers as to being swine.

23;57 From the moment one leaves one´s apartment, until one has come back, and made sure no intruder is lurking, and locks the door, one is in danger from OTHER PEOPLE.

260701 02:44 Maslow distinguished between people in a hierarchy of relative “self-actualization” ; how are we to deal with each other in terms of that, if so?

290801 0547 Reading about Bonobos, i relate the comparisons to chimps and the gang urges of kids at camp, including the benefits to myself of the system, even with its viciousness. more anon.

120901 2147 I would like to campaign against the habit that people always say “How are you?” --- it is truly annoying, making me self-conscious, when a moment earlier I was carefree and blithe (now I worry, how am i ? --- and what if I am lying).

2149 And that goes along with my opposition to hand-shaking. (hey, was it Donald Trump who bought World Trade Center recently?!)(and anyway, who sold it!?)(what if it was an insurance scam? --- suggestion to terrorist including details of how it might be done, allowed to be overheard at bar).

2158 We have to accept the privilege we individually have and get, and not feel guilty when we are preferred over someone else or certain others or others generally. I learned this at summer camp, due to it being run by a clique of relatives of some of the other kids, who in turn viciously exploited that --- it made me think, and realize that I had to be a spy not only in my own family, but also in the big wide world; I also realized (partly due to that) that my parents were not the only evil people in the world, and indeed, that all the presuppositions as to being a good boy were lies, especially the proscription against hitting those smaller than oneself. I also again had the opportunity to learn to exploit the strength of the adversaries (which they directed against me personally) against themselves --- and the same with regard to the “strengths” they used generally against anyone, including each other. I viewed them as psychologists view animals in mazes --- with the added refinement that they were making their own mazes, and projecting also the mazes of their ancestors.

Years later I had the deep satisfaction of reading the dictum of Sam Adams (grandfather of The American Revolution), said refering to London: “Get them in the wrong, and keep them in the wrong”. And still later, the wisdom of Aiki: “Why do so many excellent fighters so often lose? Because they fail to use the adversary´s own strength against him”.

My stance was not perverse, it was an honest intelligent response to the perversity surrounding me --- it is the responsibility of the previous generation(s) to present to “me” a better world, if they so wish.

An added factor at the time was WW2 --- there was an ethos asking “could you be a good soldier?”. Subsequently, I came to take refuge in the teachings of Hindus, at about age 11 years, and eventually the opinions of Maslow when I attended Brandeis University, where he was then head of the Psychology Department, in a time when people wanted to escape the impression that people were basically like the Nazis, while accepting the fact that Jews had to fight and die in a war to defend the new Israel. Enough to make lots of grist for my mill.

2225 Steve Irwin (sp?) on tv, and mrs, about sea turtles, their barbaric methods of sexual reproduction, why assume the lady turtles do not like multiple partners all in a row, I mean they are not people --- are our hosts wary of Victorians and/or Hindu puritans?

1933 Bin Laden is the 12th (?) of his father´s 58 children. Is that the sort of culture he wants for everyone? When we say “religion” with reference to bin Laden etc, we mean cultural perversion rather than religion. But maybe he wants to reform the society of his father. But we in the West with anonymous sperm/egg donors are no better, and may be producing generations of nuts with talent to destroy us.

2023 Not only do parents waste time watching sports, they pervert the young into doing the same. TV sports means it is very difficult for enlightened young to escape to Beethoven.

230901 1429 I feel that people have a basic or secondary urge to build the generation they are in, and that this is one reason why, e g, I myself did not report the guy who pushed me at camp (resulting in three stitches in one of my eyebrows).

1432 Also, I suggest that one wants to connect with the generation of one´s parents, or of one´s parent of the same gender (again note importance if so of contact) --- I wanted to experience the old buildings and the run-down neighborhoods I associated with my father´s childhood. Note this also with regard to Bin Laden, who likely, being one of almost five dozen siblings, craves recognition one way or another from his father (by the way, do Mohammedans do psycho-therapy?????

1804 Maybe the lack of people who are willing to fly now is due partly to the anger at having been so long treated like sheep to the slaughter. And note the nastiness of the claim that the chances of you yourself getting killed in a plane are slight --- in other words, as long as it is not you yourself it´s alright.

280901 2238 A Brit guy should try to remember everything his father ever said to him about women.

2244 Some people are not charming.

2245 The other gender is like solar power --- you have to have batteries.

2248 Walking on a small road thru a wood at night, one of three pointed suddenly into the woods and shouted, “Look!” --- the other two were terrified, thinking it must be a bear; Then he said, “The moon!”

2251 This same person on another occasion was sitting on grass with the other two; a bee was hovering about --- it sat on his leg. All of a suddden he said: “Oops!, He bit me!”

2254 Some people are passionless, and bring up their children passionless. This is confusing to healthy children who become their playmates and don´t know what is missing.

2256 People have to know they have a subconscious, and that the subconscious is flying the plane, even tho the people may own the airline, and the subconscious is only four years old.

2258 A relationship gives people something to sleep about.

061001 1953 People identify with other people. Last night someone at a kiosk said to me in German “Life is hard” (altho I do not know German, I figured that out), and I answered “Not for me, it isn´t” --- soon I spread my presence out into the street (I thought it was not then in use, but I wasn´t sure, but I all of a sudden saw a cab approach around the swing and realized I was careless): I had responded to what he had said by confirming my answer, at the risk of my life. I guess some get into drugs like that. Or religion.

2124 Being now allowed to be nice, I wonder how come it was such a long tortuous path to her retreat. And I try to not get vertigo. And not be frightened by weather. And not to flinch.

071001 0030 How are we gonna deal with Halloween this year?

0057 So what if you get rid of the Taliban? People are bad all over, people are bad generally. People are bad in Oslo. My parents were bad. But it´s fun to do something. And fun is absolutely necessary. Mafia next. And then the Republicans.

lørdag 27. oktober 2001 19:41 My new concept: Zen love --- how we behave in paradox of not liking individuals with whom we have profound (e g family) relationship --- e g the love for evil parents. One must articulate, be modular.

19:51 My new concept: Penetrating Trust: i e, trust built on and developing in (thru) actively relating in awareness of trusting in situations characterized by vagueness and paradox, over time in many situations, with joy of exploration mutual and relishing this together in awareness of it and in its developing --- and note re relationship as resembling sharing childness of child developing thru time and in relationship active.

19:56 My new concept: Discrete Psychology: studying discrete facets of experience as idiosyncratic in every conceivable way, e g dynamic of it.

19:58 My new concept: Value Psychology as Counter- Therapy: Therapist on couch, adressed by client; client teaches therapist, uses e g parental teachings. This to reveal mind of client as active --- note re Territory Therapy (& cf my page “Territory Therapy”). Values are intrinsic to therapy. Assumptions ingrained must be challenged. Mutuality of compassion and insight.

onsdag 14. november 2001 04:14 That the awful situation in India re the “Untouchables” persists is unconscionable.

other people søndag 13. januar 2002 19:12 Freudian people, an ethnic group spread around the world with Freud in common.

søndag 27. januar 2002 19:25 As I grow and mature, my new phases may conflict with the attitudes toward me held by friends. This may even include the way I speak or write; and so, style becomes , conversely, a way of checking my bearings with reference to such attitudes of friends and their flexibility toward my changing or anyone´s changing, including their own. I of course must too be alert about my own rubricizing of others --- but some people change in limitted ways only: altho their hormones operate one way or another, their mind-sets are petrified. And when I sense true conflict in all this, I must be ready willing and able to jettison friends, or at least shunt them into relegation; but one must watch them like a hawk if they remain in any way, or turn up like bad pennies.

tirsdag 29. januar 2002 19:31 I thought I had set up a separate section called “Hugh Man”, but no. So I include it here. Possibly later on i may adjust this.

HUGH MAN

081101 1807 I AM THE "MR NICE GUY" YOU HAVE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT. I LOVE PEOPLE.

I should try to remember the first times i was at lectures by Abraham Maslow at Brandeis University, instead of the later courses which were boring failures due to classmates who were jerks and his slow silly Brooklyn College attitude. or maybe his marlboros kept him lethargic. but females chewing gum and knitting should not have been allowed. it was 1956. I was trying to love my fellow women.

290102 18:17 There were a few bad boys at summer camp who promoted their evil tyranny by pushing someone over one of them kneeling behind the victim, but I did not fall, so it was explained to me eloquently that it would be better if I allowed myself to be pushed over, which I did. This was a very complicated moment. Eventually there were very interesting consequences, including, a few summers later, a civil war against them, in which I participated.

In the meantime, one of them (the kneeler)(a small henchman type), some days later, pushed me sneakily such that I fell onto the edge of a porch and had three stitches on an eyebrow.

The large perspective includes that the camp was a part of a Boys´ Club, i e, a social work project, in Boston, and had been going on since the days when my father was a boy and attended, with his three brothers and his friends. The camp was in my time run by these former neighbors of my father. An incompetent mess.

We were a motley group, what with boys from the Boston slum, and scions of boorish people with money, and the sons of the middle-middle class like me. The camp was run by dominant alumni families. It was at the end of WW2 and a few years later; not only was I in transition, so was everyone.

I had been instructed when four years old to not hit children smaller than myself, and this had confused me profoundly; for how is one to gauge? But in adulthood a pal who was into Karate said that one should try to avoid fights. I remember considering hitting the kid posing as leader of that group, instead of simply being pushed over the back of the kid behind me, but realized he could lose a tooth. And of course I did not report these shenanigans to the administration.

It is however hard to accomodate the effort of restraint with the passing of years. One wishes one had reacted violently. But one knows better. In the meantime I had to refrain from dropping the Atom Bomb on Moscow. It was an era of massive restraint in USA --- indeed, one main reason Ike was elected (1952) was the trust that he would keep us secure from a WW3. Americans had a power nonexistent before, and we always had to consider that our elected officials had fingers on THE BUTTON.

And I had a baby brother born in April 1945 (my only sibling), requiring constant restraint and deferential consideration; especially due to the sick conduct of my parents. It was constantly distressing that I could not save him. Now he is grown up, and is their awful posthumous avatar. I look forward to the rest of my life devoid of him.

I remember a boy in school who was acknowledged by one and all including himself to be violently mentally ill. This was around when I was in the seventh grade. I actually had an alright contact with him, and he taught me something I cherished and used: he said that when a teacher is admonishing him he looks directly at her and keeps his gaze straight ahead also when she moves --- I suppose that is called "looking through someone". Mainly the lesson was that one accepts one´s stigma and allows it to flow past, like some errant (or not errant) river.

Generally I learned from people as if they were laboratory animals. I could not understand why people in movies and radio dramas were constantly so stupid; now i know that it is because the writers need them to get in trouble.

But with the entrance into my pre-pubert life of the profession called "Psychology" I felt that someone somewhere knew what everyone around me denied --- that people usually are actually nuts.

When I was in the third grade, (I guess that was in 1944, as I was born in 1936, and enterred first grade when I was six) a teacher who was studying psychology tested me and one or two others as to IQ (intelligence quotient). I mention that this was quite willingly and voluntarily. Anyway, one question I still remember, as I refused to consider that I was not getting it right: A man is walking down the street with his hands in his pockets twirling a cane --- what is wrong? Well, of course it was not put quite as baldly as that. Anyway I saw nothing wrong with it. Actually, when she repeated the question to give me another (and a third) chance, I suppose I was what is called "ego involved" and not willing to change my perception. But I still think the question was put wrongly, and assumed that I would want to conform to the wishes of the writers of the test.

And when I was at College I was definitely taught as discipline that if one does not express oneself clearly the professor will refuse to understand. So it was the fault of the test writers. A man who is walking down the street with his hands in his pockets can twirl a cane either by removing a hand from a pocket or using some other method. This would not pose any difficulty for a magician. We were not told that he was not a magician. Thus do we of transcendant intellect lose points when judged by the mediocre. And this lesson is of prime importance.

--------- “Grand-daughter” inserted 180602: GRAND-DAUGHTER 020801 01:09 I AM A FORTUNATE PERSON --- I HAVE A GRAND-DAUGHTER, born a few months ago. 140801 01:33 She was born in January. She has a wonderful gaze. 061001 1537 Yesterday evening until early hours I baby- sat for first time with my grand-daughter. Marvellous. onsdag 24. oktober 2001 20:20 with family yesterday, wonderful. Felicia is so responsive and initiating --- puff-lips noise play and laugh at comeback. I sang folksongs and danced. I brought rolleicord for use by glenn. Charlotte altho studying for more exams, made great rice dish with mushrooms and celery and chicken (broiled from store; shopping by Glenn (Felicia´s father, husband of Charlotte (my daughter)). søndag 18. november 2001 23:45 One hopes that she can coordinate me in my physical presence , with me in my photo with her.

23:46 Is the distinction too much to ask of Felicia, to call me “Gampa” in contradistinction to “Grampa” (designation for her father´s father) --- he now is only rarely seen, as her father´s family resides in California, but later this could be even more confusing and/or subtle --- especially as other people may not always be careful --- it could get exasperating to her. Actually, the Norwegians deal with this properly: I am “Mor-far” --- i e, “child´s mother´s father”. So I will suggest we slide over to that usage. To call me Elf may be confusing, as it is not only my nick-name (I avoid using my official name; Robert), but also is a descriptive designation, or category. 23:56 An interesting matter is how intelligent children with intelligent parents etc, deal with irrational urges and/or unavoidable or natural frustrations and exasperations and the bitter anguishes of infancy, over time and development --- is there not a place for the child not being reasonable, and which has to have its expression? Is it not possible/wise to indeed teach (by example?) such behavior? ---------------------------------” Grand-daughter” inswrted 180602